Wikipedia:Peer review/Concerned/archive1

Concerned

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for September 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
This article recently passed GAN, and I want to know how it could be further improved.

Thanks, Diego_pmc ^Talk 08:02, 10 September 2008 (UTC)

Giggy

• Image:Hlcomic.png doesn't really meet NFCC requirements at the moment. Add some critical commentary or something like that to the infobox related to that specific scene, if possible. Using that image for identification goes against WP:NFCC#8, I believe.
• "a printed version of the comic. However, this proved impractical due to the low resolution of the comic" - repetition of "comic"... maybe "its low resolution" instead?
• Maybe talk about the comic's storyline (etc.) in the lead too?
• "as a "hobby"" - does that need to be quoted?
• "In the same interview he also stated" - either "in the same interview" or "also" is redundant (take your pick)
• "a comic similarly based" --> "a similar comic based", perhaps?
• "The creator of Concerned also said" - it gets repetitive to have almost every sentence starting with "X said..." if you get my drift.
• "The webcomic Concerned..." - just say "Concerned", by now you've made it clear it's a comic.
• "Throughout the comic Gordon Frohman..." - who's he?
• "this name was suggested to Livingston by Sam Golgert" - who's Sam Golgert?
• "the company was complementary about the comic based on their game" - this could be worded better... "the company was pleased to have a comic based on their game" (is that too basic?)...
• "Valve also intended collaborating" - intended ON collaborating?
• I hope these comments help. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Cheers, Giggy (talk) 13:07, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

• Thanks for the review. I tried to address all the issues you raised. About Hlcomic.png, I edited the infobox caption, and also wrote a more detailed description of its purpose of use on the image's page. Diego_pmc ^Talk 16:34, 21 September 2008 (UTC)

• It's looking really good, well done. I, um, don't really have much more to add! Planning on an FAC? Giggy (talk) 00:34, 22 September 2008 (UTC)

• I'm looking forward to that, yes. Diego_pmc ^Talk 06:16, 22 September 2008 (UTC)
• In fact, I don't really have a reason I should wait, so I nominated it. Diego_pmc ^Talk 09:54, 22 September 2008 (UTC)