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My place to keep things, until I move them to various places: Font style from Mets501's page:
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With Malice towards One and All
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Sphygmomenometer
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Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives. Dr. Laura Schlessinger, 1997. Dr. Schlessinger (better known as the internationally syndicated radio talk show hostess, "Dr. Laura") could have spared us all a bit of trouble, by writing "10 stupid things PEOPLE do to mess up their lives" - this book is essentially the same as her oh-so-similarly titled Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives, just with a male slant. They both boil down to:
* failure to discipline biological urges * immaturity * failure to learn or apply value systems (morality/ethics) * sacrificing values for momentary urges * failure to identify and address personal weaknesses.
For the "men" version of the pattern, she derives 10 chapters as follows. (Preface each with the word "stupid, as in "Stupid Chivalry", etc.)
1. Chivalry: "By getting involved with the wrong woman (weak, flaky, damaged, needy, desperate, stupid, untrustworthy, immature, etc.) you think that your love will save/transform her." 2. Independence: Numbing a hunger for intimacy and bonding with empty indulgence of drugs, sex, work, and play. 3. Ambition: Measuring personal achievement and self-worth by "stupid" yardsticks of money, toys, power, and status. 4. Strength: Using intimidation, force, or manipulation to deal with feelings of vulnerability. 5. Sex: Measuring sexuality and power by acting out sexually at every opportunity. 6. Matrimony: "Lacking a mature sense of the purpose, meaning, or value of marriage, you realize too late you've married the wrong woman for the wrong reasons and feel helpless to 'fix it.' " 7. Husbanding: Immature, unequal, inappropriate, unrealistic expectations of marriage and partner. 8. Parenting: Estrangement from "nurturer" role in favor of "provider" and/or "disciplinarian" roles. 9. Boyishness: Relationships with women are all colored by unresolved, vengeful, or estranged relationship with Mommy. 10. Machismo: Confusion between being male and being a man.
While her tone can sometimes be irritatingly condescending, Dr. Laura hits a number of nails right on the head. A valuable book, but not invaluable. Try The Road Less Traveled for a better treatment of similar topics.
Things girls think guys should know
(idea) by prole (2.9 wk) (print) ? 2 C!s Tue Jul 18 2000 at 2:19:30
..This girl, anyway.
Pay attention to us. Women can understand through observation as well as through questioning and debating, and you would be wise to emulate this. Even better, make (flattering) observations about us and our lives based on the information we've shared with you. Everyone's a little egotistical. We like to talk about ourselves.
Pay attention in bed. Don't just blindly pursue the goal of your own orgasm, but react to the signals we give you about ours. But this doesn't mean you should go down as soon as the clothes are off - make us beg you to touch us.
Don't be all insecure about our sexual experience. Accept that we've most likely had boyfriends before you and that if we're willing to sleep with you it's most likely because we've slept with other men and gotten the angst and pain out of the way. You are neither Christopher Columbus nor Neil Armstrong. You are merely a tourist in paradise and if you do anything to imply that paradise is somehow less because you're not the first to visit, you're likely to be thrown out.
Once a woman is yours, stare in reverence when she walks into the room, from time to time. If she asks you, 'What?' reply, 'Nothing,' and smile like Cupid's been shooting at your ass with a harpoon gun.
Though it may behoove you to act like a misogynistic ass in the short term, eventually word will get around and no self respecting woman will have you. After the facade of danger and excitement is revealed to be exactly that, we'll see that you're nothing more than an insecure jerk and promtly rid ourselves of you.
Women are subtle creatures. We don't want to have to tell you everything. And this is why, again, you must pay attention. Watch for the signals. They're there. And learn to tell the difference. If your woman wants to go to sleep when you want to have sex, she may be really tired or just not at all interested in having sex with you. If it's the former, she'll be very sweet about it and look into your eyes. If it's the latter, she'll do the same thing with no trace of humor and do sexual (not cuddly) things while she insists she needs to sleep.
Even the strongest woman likes to be treated like a china doll every now and again. This is not the same as condescension. It's more akin to worship.
There is nothing wrong with being attentive and sensitive. However, this behavior can be carried too far. You don't have to hang on our every word or give in to our every whim. The thrill of the chase doesn't end after the first successful pick-up line. If you don't present us with some minor challenges, we're likely to get bored, or worse, feel that you're creepy and obsessive.
Finally, don't take everything your woman says as gospel. If we tell you we like to be touched here and henceforth you make a point of touching us there as frequently as possible, we'll see what you're doing and the magic will go out of it. We tell you these things so that you may store them away in your memory and wisely make use of them. Not so that you can do them every single time. Variety is the spice of life. There are patterns underlying what your woman says she likes and doesn't like. It would benefit you far more to try and discern the nature of these than to repeat everything she admits to enjoying until she no longer does.
It seems some people are still confused.. The last paragraph is the important one. People are complex. All people. Contradictions exist. If there were straight answers to questions of how we should deal with each other, human relations would be idyllic and harmonious and nodes like this wouldn't exist.
(idea) by Gruad (3.6 y) (print) ? 2 C!s Tue Jul 18 2000 at 3:48:21
I have no desire to be voted down faster than a brick on Jupiter, but I feel I have to ask: What's wrong with just saying what you want/how you're feeling/what you're thinking?
I'm not arguing any other point except that sometimes, I'd really appreciate it if the woman would simply say, in no uncertain terms, what she wants/feels/thinks. I'm not the best there is at discerning the thoughts of another individual (and honestly, neither are any of the women I've known). So feel free to help me out...
The only contradiction that exists in people in general is that they say they are complex, but are fundamentally simple. Human relations would be idyllic and harmonious if people didn't insist on adding this ethereal complexity.
(idea) by Woundweavr (2.3 y) (print) ? 1 C! Tue Jul 18 2000 at 4:28:01
So basically...pay attention to you, but not too much attention (pay close attention to your attention-meter). Worship you. And read your mind and when you do say something don't really take that as that important. No that makes perfect sense. How bout treating girls as equals? The only coed relationships, both romantic and platonic in my experience that have gone well for any extended time period is when the guy thinks of and treats the girl as an equal (and vice-versa of course). You just can't expect the things listed above. Sure pay attention is reasonable. But how can you provide challenge when you are worshiping and staring longingly?
- Sunday 20-Aug An epithelial conjunctival implantation cyst: an occasional complication of strabismus surgery:
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