Template:Did you know nominations/James Kekela

The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Yoninah (talk) 21:27, 18 December 2016 (UTC)

James Kekela[edit]

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James Kekela and his wife

... that President Abraham Lincoln presented Hawaii's first Protestant minister James Kekela (pictured) with a gold watch for saving an American sailor from cannibals?
ALT1 ... that Hawaii's first Protestant minister James Kekela (pictured) saved an American sailor from cannibals and was presented a gold watch from President Abraham Lincoln?

Reviewed: 1970 Commonwealth Paraplegic Games

Created by KAVEBEAR (talk). Self-nominated at 21:14, 29 November 2016 (UTC).

New article, long enough (ca. 2100 characters). Within policy. Hook format and content (cited, neutral, interesting) ok. QPQ done. Image is free (PD), used in article and looks good. Ready to go after a small copy-edit for language issues (missing words, grammar) both in the hook and in the article. Also some sentences seem very long to me and could be split in two. I am not a native English speaker, but at least the following seem wrong to me: "saved an American sailors", "He was presented with gold watch", " he was educated in the Christian faith by American missionaries Reverend John S. Emerson", "He would head the mission in along", "was rewarded a gold Cartier pocket watch President Abraham Lincoln". bamse (talk) 14:06, 1 December 2016 (UTC)

@Bamse: Sorry for the sloppiness. Fixed. I changed the original hook to one that is less passive (basically rewording it) and made it an ALT1 hook instead. Can you review both?--KAVEBEAR (talk) 17:16, 1 December 2016 (UTC)

Language issues are fixed and I like the new hook because it puts the emphasis on the subject of the article. Good to go with ALT1 hook. bamse (talk) 22:00, 1 December 2016 (UTC)