Talk:Cyclone Esau

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Cyclone Esau/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs) 18:24, 12 January 2016 (UTC)

• "Severe Tropical Cyclone Esau became the strongest tropical cyclone to affect New Caledonia on record during February and March 1992." - usually it's good to have "[Article] was the strongest..." - do you have a preference for became vs. was? I think it would be a stronger opener if you changed the wording.
• "370 km (230 mi)" - I notice you have a double non-breaking space here. Any reason?
• "before it passed over Pentecost Island in northern Vanuatu during February 25. After passing over Pentecost the system continued to move towards the southwest and passed near the island of Malampa," - redundant wording. Just say "Thereafter..." in the latter sentence, and don't worry about the southwest movement, which is already established. This also applies for the MH.
• "After it had peaked the system moved south-eastwards and threatened Southern Vanuatu, before turning southwards and threatening the French overseas territory of New Caledonia." - what does it mean to "threaten"? If the storm moved toward an island but didn't affect it, I don't think you need to mention it in the first paragraph of the article. Therefore, you should just say "After it peaked, the system moved to the south-east and later to the south toward New Caledonia, where it made landfall on March 3". Something like that. You have too much extraneous wording in the lead, and it makes for a much weaker intro than it could otherwise be. I don't know why you emphasize the "French overseas territory" so much (six times in the article!), but try cutting it down a few times.
• "degenerating into an extratropical cyclone during March 5." - I wouldn't say "degenerating" is the right term. EC status doesn't mean it weakened, which is implied by the "degenerating". "Transitioning" would be more apt
• "The systems remnants " - missing an apostrophe
• "The system affected the northern Vanuatu Islands between February 25 – 27 and March 2 – 3, with heavy rain and strong winds of up to 80 km/h (50 mph) but caused no damage." - poor grammar, and a run-on. Also, I wouldn't call 50 mph that strong, but that's just me :P
• "while a young child went missing on the island of Lifou but was later found safe by local residents" - this is trivial for the lead
• "The extra-tropical remnants" - why the dash in the word? You also say "extra tropical". Be consistent!
• You need to be consistent whether you say "northeast" or "north-east". I prefer the former, but just make sure it's consistent.
• "windshear" - is this one word or two?
• You use "subsequently" too many times in the article, IMO
• Any reason you have the {{clear}} after the lead? It creates too much white space IMO
• "Over the next few days the system moved south-eastwards and back into the South Pacific basin, under the influence of a northwest steering flow and threatened the southern islands of Vanuatu." - the Vanuatu portion seems forced, just remove it. It's not necessary. Stop trying to make Vanuatu happen :P
• When did Esau become ET?
• Link for "Cyclone Uma"?
• Don't link 91-92 SPAC season twice in consecutive sentences
• " It was subsequently estimated that relief workers, would need to provide aid for around 5000 people on the two islands." - why the comma placement?
• "Esau became the strongest tropical cyclones" - plural? Also, was Esau really the strongest to strike NC? You don't say how strong it was at landfall, so I'm not sure how you come up with that. For such an important statement, you should say what storm it surpassed.
• "Extensive flooding was reported in the territory while rainfall totals of 528 mm (20.8 in), 395 mm (15.6 in) and 354 mm (13.9 in) were recorded in Kopéto, Tiendanite and Tiwaka." - make sure you add ", respectively" when you have a series of rainfall totals for different areas.
• "Severe Tropical Cyclone Fran subsequently affected the northern part of the French territory between March 10–11." - why is this relevant?
• "The hail storm caused around NZ$800,000 worth of damage to a kiwifruit orchard while another orchard had 15000 trays of Persimmons damaged." - First, why is "kiwifruit" one word? Second, no comma for 15000? Third, are plants usually counted in trays?
• "After the event the insurance industry paid out around NZ$1 million as a result of the Auckland Tornado." - paid to whom? Why is "tornado" capitalized? Also, the source said $1.1 million, not $1 million, but it also didn't mention Esau. I'm guessing ref 7 made the connection with the storm?

All in all, the article is decent, but it could use a heavy copyedit. In general, for your future writing, try making sure wording is more consistent, clear, and as short as it needs to be. Sometimes, excess verbosity makes the prose difficult to comprehend. Still, my concerns shouldn't be difficult to address, so I'll put the article on hold. Let me know if there are any issues. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 18:24, 12 January 2016 (UTC)

Query

Hurricanehink, where does this nomination stand? The review has been on unofficial hold for nearly four weeks, and there's only been a single edit to the article by nominator Jason Rees in that time, though plenty of edits elsewhere on Wikipedia. The standard hold is one week, not four. If significant progress on the issues raised hasn't been made soon, including the heavy copyedit, perhaps this nomination should be wrapped up. BlueMoonset (talk) 22:13, 8 February 2016 (UTC)

I'll fail it, thanks, I forgot I had it open. I told Jason several times about the review, but he never got around to it. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:40, 9 February 2016 (UTC)