Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Dannii Minogue

Dannii Minogue

Main page: Wikipedia:Peer review/Dannii Minogue/archive3

Dannii Minogue is a popular Australian singer, songwriter, actress and fashion designer. I did a massive rewrite on the article and would like a peer review and any suggestion which would improve it to raise it to FA quality. -- Underneath-it-All 04:19, 30 December 2006 (UTC)

Yannismarou

Very nice. I think it is in the right path for FA status. This is my review:

• The lead looks fine. Personally, I would also mention there that she is Kylie Minogue's sister.
• "nationwide concert tours.[2][3]" Minor, but since this was the only place in the article I saw citations in a row, I would suggest that you combine them in one citation. Check Tourette Syndrome or Battle of Edson's Ridge for nice ways to do that.
• "which the Daily Mirror described as a "bass-bumping, shuddering return",[11]" - ""a nice serene and dreamy vocal on the dance floor anthem"[13],", ""snip snapping house beats and '80s flecked synths",[18]", "the cancer diagnoses of her sister Kylie Minogue and an unnamed friend[19],", ""lacks true conviction as she ploughs through the lines without capturing their full force"[24],": Sometimes the citation is before the quot mark; sometimes after. There are some inconsistencies.
• "It consisted of 1980s inspired pop–dance songs and provided Minogue with some of the strongest reviews of her career." What reviews about her. In the following sentences I just read about one review about one of her songs.
• "Singles "I Begin to Wonder" and "Don't Wanna Lose This Feeling" were substantial successes on the U.S. dance charts, and established Minogue's presence in the mainstream North American market." This looks to me like an assessment deserving his own citation(s). I added a .
• I see that you interrupt the sentences very often with inline citations. I recommend that you do that only when it is absolutely necessary for emphasis; otherwise put them at the end of the sentences.
• "The film was not well received by audiences or critics", "The musical was not well received by British critics who called it "lame" and its songs "reminiscent of [the] Eurovision song contest"". Repetition of the same forms of expression. I would prefer a better variety of expression.
• "In 2001, Minogue also appeared in the controversial stage play The Vagina Monologues, which co-starred Kika Markham and Meera Syal." Why was that controversial? Explain? Had the controversiality to do anything with Minogue? Explain a bit.
• "In 2002, the British National Party ... called it a "harmless girls' night out". I think that all this paragraph has nothing to do with personal life but with "Personal beliefs" or "controversies" about her person. I would create a seperate section.
• Is the "See also" section necessasry? Can't you incorporate these 3 links in the main text?
• In references I see no printed sources, but I guess this is an inherent problem of actors', singers' etc. biographies.--Yannismarou 09:56, 31 December 2006 (UTC)

Thanks for your review! I've made some changes already and will make some more later today. Some of the magazines that are cited in the article were printed sources, but since there was a scan available online I linked to it instead. -- Underneath-it-All 17:10, 31 December 2006 (UTC)

Plek's comments

It's a good article, but there's definitely room for improvement. I like the general structure, the extensive notes, and the lack of obvious fluff (i.e. a "Trivia" section). The article also seems to touch on most of the notable things she's done.

My main criticism of the article is that it's very "descriptive" as opposed to "explanatory." It mainly describes what she has done, but hardly ever explores her motivations for doing so. Thus, the main body of the article gets a bit repetitive with lots of "and then she did this, and then she did that..." constructs. Yes, people are defined by their actions, but a biographical article can be made more interesting by exploring some of the "whys" behind those actions.

My suggestion would be to take a (small) number of Dannii's career moves and personal events, and to try to find out what her reasons were for making those moves, or what her reactions to those events were. The article already does this with her Playboy session, but it could also be applied to (for instance):

• her move to the dance music scene,
• beginning her acting/stage career,
• the ambassadorship for the Terence Higgins Trust, and
• her reaction to Kylie's breast cancer (currently, all the article says about this is that she released a single inspired by her sister's diagnosis; I'm sure that it definitely had a greater impact on her than just that).

You could try to illustrate things by using information gleaned from interviews and other statements she made. This would also have the effect of shifting the article's viewpoint from the predominantly third-person view it has now to a more mixed third/first person view. I think this will help to make the article more involving, personal and interesting.

Some other notes:

• Live performances and concert tours: it seems the "Recording and performing career" section tells mostly about her recording work. Did she ever do a concert tour? Is there anything to say about her live performances?
• The "Controversies" section: is she really such a controversial person that a separate section is warranted? It might be better to move these tidbits to other sections. I'm not sure.

Thanks, and good luck! --Plek 17:59, 1 January 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for the review. I've acted on your suggestions and have added the reasons behind many of her career moves. I'm still working on where to add how Kylie's diagnosis had an impact on her, but have found an interview in which she discusses it. The "controversies" has now been moved to the "Personal life" section under a sub-heading. -- Underneath-it-All 20:33, 1 January 2007 (UTC)