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May 29[edit]

How do I assault a rocking chair[edit]

How do I physically assault a rocking chair? -- Pink Saffron (talk) 07:09, 30 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Try picking up a hobby that will fill the void in your life, rather than wasting it here. DOR (HK) (talk) 13:36, 29 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

No, I am both literally and actually serious — Preceding unsigned comment added by Pink Saffron (talk • contribs) 14:05, 29 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, we need to take account into material. A typical rocking chair's structure is made out of pinewood, a type of softwood that is not very durable. While pine is normally very easy to break, if you pick the wrong material, you can easily break your hand. Sap/moisture content is very important, especially for the weak. A board that is too wet or has too much sap will be hard to break. So yes, you can assault a rocking chair. ÒwÒland (talk) 14:15, 29 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Fortunately, an ingenious human has invented the saw, perhaps for that very purpose, who knows? Alansplodge (talk) 15:22, 29 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

An axe will also do the job. This reminds me of the old (very) pun - two peanuts were out walking - one was asa(u)lted :-P MarnetteD|Talk 15:50, 29 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I say whip it! Whip it good! Clarityfiend (talk) 00:58, 30 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

According to the Assault article, you can't actually "assault" an inaminate object, legally speaking. You could damage or destroy the chair, obviously. If it's a simple wooden chair and you have a fireplace, that's one way. ←Baseball Bugs ^{What's up, Doc?} carrots→ 17:04, 29 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Also, the legal term does not imply lasting physical damage. In US tort law, assault is the intentional creation of apprehension of imminent harm – which may cause lasting mental damage. Just take the rocking chair to a fireplace, and say, suavely, "we wouldn't want such a beautiful chair to wind up as a heap of ashes, would we? – but I know you can be reasonable." --Lambiam 23:34, 29 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

That's not assault, it's threat to property. ←Baseball Bugs ^{What's up, Doc?} carrots→ 03:59, 30 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

This is a standard technique to make rocking chairs admit they are actually an alien but friendly transformer species, whose existence is threatened by the Saffrians and their cruel leader, Pinx Saffran. --Lambiam 12:06, 30 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Once they're dis-armed, they're at your mercy. ←Baseball Bugs ^{What's up, Doc?} carrots→ 15:44, 30 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

You can use your body to kick and punch it or whatever, but the best method is to douse it in gasoline and light it on fire.--🌀Locomotive207-talk🌀 00:07, 30 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

For those who are interested this an evocative and gorgeous animation portraying the life cycle of a rocking chair. MarnetteD|Talk 02:19, 30 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

See Distressing for a possibly relevant concept. {The poster formerly known as 87.81.230.195} 2.121.163.176 (talk) 09:48, 2 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Why isn't the Champions League final being played in England?[edit]

Question as per title. Why hold the match in Porto when both contesting teams are English, so fans would not have to travel? 2021 UEFA Champions League Final#Change to Porto links to a press release which claims that "UEFA discussed moving the match to England but, despite exhaustive efforts on the part of the Football Association and the authorities, it was not possible to achieve the necessary exemptions from UK quarantine arrangements." This makes no sense. Both teams are already in England so no quarantining would have been required. --Viennese Waltz 14:34, 29 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

A report on 10 May about the negotiations says:

Uefa is understood to have ruled out any venue within the UK except for Wembley, and to be seeking guarantees of quarantine-free entry to the country for its delegates, along with media, sponsors and other VIPs. [1] Alansplodge (talk) 15:19, 29 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I have now amended the article. Alansplodge (talk) 16:53, 29 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, very helpful. --Viennese Waltz 10:58, 30 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]