Wikipedia:Peer review/The Office (U.S. TV series)/archive1

The Office (U.S. TV series)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because, I hope for it to become a good article

Thanks, NoD'ohnuts (talk) 16:27, 6 November 2011 (UTC)

 Done--~TPW 18:56, 20 November 2011 (UTC)

Many of the problems I've noted below occur throughout the article, so I only provide a few examples to give you the sense of what I'm talking about. The examples should not be considered exhaustive. I did not specifically evaluate the article against all of the Good Article criteria.

• Some of the tenses are awkward, such as:

• 'Paul Lieberstein was named the series showrunner for the fifth season and the following seasons while Daniel Chun serves as the series head writer.' (suggest ". . . following seasons; Daniel Chun . . . ."
• 'In Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania, it began airing on TV6 since spring 2008.' (drop "since . . .") (Another suggestion about this sentence is to rewrite it to avoid linking to a disambiguation page; it's unfortunate that TV6 resists having its own article, but here's my suggestion. "In spring 2008 it began airing on independent TV6 channels in Estonia, TV6 (Latvia)|Latvia]], and Lithuania)."

• Commas are not used as well as they could be. Examples:

• 'Krasinski had attended school with, and was a friend of B. J. Novak.' (second comma needed to separate the clause "and was a friend of" from the rest of the sentence)
• 'The producers thought she was "too feisty" for the character, but they called her back for the part of Angela Martin, which she won.' (suggest ". . . of Angela Martin, and ultimately gave her that role.")
• 'While Jones would later leave the cast for a recurring role, in February 2007, NBC announced that Helms was being promoted to a series regular.' (suggested rewrite: "Jones would later leave the cast for a recurring role elsewhere, but Helms was promoted to a series regular in February 2007."

• Summary style: sections dig too deeply into the details of the show. Specific suggestions:

• The Writing section concludes with half a paragraph detailing a spontaneous same-sex kiss. It's referenced, but spontaneity is the opposite of writing, because the actors are not following the script. It also doesn't flow well in the paragraph. Perhaps a summary could go in another section.
• In the Format section, cut back on the descriptions of each and every camera technique and character interaction.
• 'The song "Sing" by Travis is used twice on the series, first in "The Client" which Jim and Pam jointly listen to through a single pair of earbuds prior to their relationship; and later in a montage of their relationship in the clip episode. Dwight will often play loud music when driving or to get himself psyched up before making a sale, such as listening to "Wild Side" and "Kickstart My Heart" by Mötley Crüe. In the episode "Michael Scott Paper Company", Dwight and Andy play John Denver's "Take Me Home, Country Roads". Notably, Dwight sings a portion in German.' The point about incidental music could probably be made without this level of detail.
• The Characters section and the season synopses also need a lot more summarizing.

• Original research and/or synthesis crops up in various places, including:

• 'In the character's final episode in season seven, Michael Scott asks the cameraman filming his departure to let him know if the show ever airs. This would seem to imply that the series has yet to reach television within its fictional universe, at least as of the point in time that season seven was being "filmed." Michael may also not have been aware of an airing.' The only reference is a primary one, and the "seems to imply" is weasel-word way of introducing original research.
• 'Featured music tends to be well known, and often songs reflect the character, such as Michael's attempt to seem hip by using "Mambo No. 5" and later "My Humps" as his cell phone ringtone.' What third-party source supports this assertion?
• 'On The Office, deleted scenes are considered part of the show's canon and storyline." By whom?

In general, better use of summary style that capitalizes on third-party sources rather than episodes or conjecture by the editors will make this a comprehensive article.