Wikipedia:Peer review/Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama/archive1

Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama[edit]

My reason for this nomination is to give other editors ideas on how to improve this article, and to possibly reach FA status. I haven't had enough time to act on my other nominations but I've been meaning to nominate this one for a while. It was a former Bio COTW and I believe it is well referenced and is comprehensive. The biggest issues will probably be grammer,spelling,red links and the need for a larger introduction. I would also like to thank Hottentot(sp?) for his personal dedication to the article. Falphin 23:57, 10 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

I'm only commenting on format issues since I don't know enough about him to comment on the comprehensiveness:

The lead needs to be expanded to summarise the whole article - it is currently far too short.
Since the notes in the text and those in the list match up nicely- they should probably be converted to {{ref}} {{note}} which looks much nicer.
I don't like the piped html link to his website - its like advertising.
Quotes belong in Wikiquote, it'd be ok to work some into the text, but a huge block of quotes like that currently in the article doesn't add anything. Same goes for the list of list of honours, it should be condensed significatly to something like He was awarded [short list of prestigious and well known awards] and honorary doctorates from a number of universities including ... for most readers these kind of details aren't intersting.
Films about him may also be better worked into prose [Name of film] is a fictional account of the Dali Lamas escape from China, directed by foo.
There are also image issues that need to be dealt with, if you're going to claim fair use, first you really should be able to describe who owns the copyright and where you got the image - which doesn't seem to be the case for at least 2 images in the article.

--nixie 00:45, 11 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the comments. One question, should any quotes be included? I've always felt that a few quotes can make a significant impression(2-3) but would that work against an article reaching FAC? Falphin 02:35, 12 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

I prefer quotes if they appear in the context of the text - and they can be pretty easy to incorporate that way. I'm not sure how a short list of quotes would fare- I can't recall seeing a FAC with one recently.--nixie 03:22, 12 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

You'd need a lead size of around 250-300 words.
Where was he born, Tibet?
Northeast --> northeast
Dharamsala, India --> avoid such a style use: "Dharamsala in India"
Too many single sentence paragraphs
Reduce overlinking. No need to link China and India so many times.
rock singer Annie Lennox --> prefix with country.
Conversations with President George --> U.S President
and/or ?
Single paragraphs do not make a section. Please expand or merge with parent heading.
The Dalai Lama speaks English as a second language? (wha..?)
I notice both AE and BE spellings. Please be consistent
Quotations should be moved to wikiquote.
The article doesn't have a flow. I can't seem to track what he has done over the years.
use inote, ref and notes for inline citations

=Nichalp «Talk»= 15:35, 16 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Very good. Only one thing, I was wondering what would be best to make this article flow. Thanks for the comments. Falphin 19:33, 16 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

For that you'd have to check out some FA bio articles. 19:36, 17 October 2005 (UTC)