Wikipedia:Peer review/Glenn T. Seaborg/archive1
Glenn T. Seaborg[edit]
Seaborg is one of the giants of science and his legacy and stature seem to be growing. I would like to improve upon this article, and hopefully prepare this article for featured article status. I have removed a lot of the lists and bullets to create, hopefully, a more encyclopedic style. All constructive comments are welcome. Seaborg was listed in the Guiness Book of World Records as having the longest entry in Who's Who in America. Therein lies the rub. Is it too long, does it do justice to the subject? Is it well written and interesting? Is there enough of a narrative thread? Too much repetition between the main article and the subsections? We need some outside editors to help move this one up the ladder. Seaborg is a monumental figure in the history of Science and we need to make sure WP adequately covers him. Thanks in advance. Glenn4pr 09:29, 9 November 2006 (UTC)
It's generally good, but a few sections need work. The lead is messy and essentially just a list of the things he did and won. It could be split into 3-4 paragraphs, and have more of a structure in itself. It goes into too much detail: there doesn't need to be a list of all the elements he discovered, for instance. It needs some trimming so it only includes the most important/notable things. The quote at the bottom seems a bit out of place, can't it be included in the relevant section of the rest of the text? The early life section, particularly the second paragraph, is a bit stilted and just a collection of facts about him. "He kept a daily journal. He was a sports and movie fan. His mother encouraged him to be a bookkeeper." Those need some kind of relevance or context - what happened to the journals, did he ever pursue his interest in sports and music, did his mother's encouragement make any difference to what he did? And the last sentence there about being inspired could really do with a reference (of him saying that). Trebor 18:45, 13 November 2006 (UTC)