Wikipedia:Peer review/Dolphin drive hunting/archive1

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Dolphin drive hunting[edit]

Pretty much wrote all of this article from scratch. Would like to get it to GA status at least. I'd mainly like to know if the article is neutral enough and if the structure and layout is ok. Obviously though, all comments and suggestions are welcome. BabyNuke 21:25, 7 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

My suggestions:
  • Per WP:LEAD, the lead should be expanded to briefly summarize the article. As it is now, it also makes some claims that should be sourced -- that those are the "most notorious" towns, and that Japan is the largest consumer.
  • Under "Method", you say that "the hunting is done by a select group of privileged fishermen." I think that fact could use some explanation: Why are they a select group? Who makes that decision?
  • The second paragraph of the first "Criticism" section is poorly written. The sentence about the video, especially, doesn't really fit. I would include more information about the video and the reaction, and make it a separate paragraph.
  • The "Criticism" section would benefit from more inline citations, especially to guarantee WP:NPOV and WP:V.
  • The prose can be awkward. I would replace passive voice with active voice. You could also use some more commas, and the word "mainly" is overused throughout.
This is not a bad article. It could use some WP:NPOV work, though. I also see areas you could expand upon, in addition to those I mentioned above: more on traditional hunting culture, more on health concerns, more on the legality, etc. I don't think it's quite ready for WP:GAC. -- bcasterline • talk 00:55, 8 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you! I will work on these issues. BabyNuke 09:57, 8 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Personally, while I find this practice repugnant, I still feel there's a few NPOV issues with this. There are no gross violations, but I still feel it could be improved. Lankiveil 06:21, 22 September 2006 (UTC).[reply]
I think I'll rewrite the cricism section since I feel that's causing most problems neutrality wise. BabyNuke 19:46, 22 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
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