Wikipedia:Peer review/Battle of Amiens/archive1

Battle of Amiens

I've been editing this article for quite a bit. I made a bit of a push a little while ago, but editing has somewhat stagnated. I'd be interested in whatever suggestions you all could make. Thanks! Staxringold _talk^contribs 03:01, 28 August 2006 (UTC)

It looks decent, if somewhat brief. Here's a few comments that I hope are helpful:

• Overall I think the article could use a little careful editing for punctuation and syntax. Some of the sentences seem a little awkward.
  • "The attack was so unexpected that German forces only began to return fire on Allied positions after five minutes, and even then [they struck] at the positions [Allied] forces had assembled at for the start of the battle and had long since abandoned".
  • The comma isn't working for me in the last sentence of the intrioduction. You might try a semi-colon or split it into two sentences.
  • First paragraph of "Plan" section needs a comma between "divisions" and "along".
  • In the following sentence, "reserves" should be singular. (Are the 150 tanks in addition to the 580, or part of that count?)
  • I think the last sentence in that paragraph should have a colon or use a period following secrecy.
  • "In the first phase seven divisions attacked," should use a colon instead.
  • Alternating use of "center" and "centre"; "armored" and "armoured".
  • "...carrying Mark V* tanks however the infantry..." needs a comma before the however.
  • "...advancing Allies but because..." needs a comma before but.
  • First paragraph, long second sentence of "Aftermath" needs some clarification. ("The Germans ... trench positions.") I know what it's trying to say, but it has some ambiguities and could use a re-write.
  • &c.
• Could you give a description of the terrain?
• Where did the "British Fourth Army" come from in the Battle section? It wasn't mentioned earlier. Perhaps the higher-level organization should be described somewhere on this page, in addition to the list of forces page. (I usually see that type of page called an "order of battle".)
• Suggest linking lines of communication.
• In the "Later fighting" section, what happened to the 500 tanks?
• In the same section, where did the "British Third army" come in? It's not even shown in the list of forces.
• Why did the battle come to an end?
• Are there any other images that could be included?

Thanks. — RJH (talk) 16:56, 1 September 2006 (UTC)