Wikipedia:Featured list candidates/List of Tokyo Mew Mew characters/archive1

Add links
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
The following is an archived discussion of a featured list nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured list candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The list was promoted by Scorpion0422 19:42, 19 May 2009 [1].

List of Tokyo Mew Mew characters[edit]

Nominator(s): -- AnmaFinotera (talk · contribs), G.A.Stalk
Toolbox

I am nominating this for featured list because I feel it fully meets the featured list criteria. Modeled after the first anime/manga featured characters list, List of Naruto characters, this list has gone through a multitude of merging, rewriting, sourcing, peer reviews (both through PR and specifically requesting comments from experienced FL writers), and copy editing. It is comprehensive in that it covers all major characters from the manga series, as well as its anime adaptation, while not bloating the list with minor characters. It is well structured and follows all applicable Manuals of Style, including two carefully selected non-free images to illustrate the series protagonists and to illustrate a particular character design. Both images have appropriate FURs. It is also very stable, with only minor issues with vandalism cropping up now and then. I have added G.A.S as a nominator as we worked together to do much of the work on this article (as well as the TMM articles as a whole) and he performed all of the copy editing. -- AnmaFinotera (talk · contribs) 14:00, 6 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

It seems pretty well-written—AnmaFinotera has done well. But I've read only down to the end of the first section, and others may find little refinements to be made.

  • "in order to"—one word would do!
  • "lighter and more colorful feel", or a comma: "lighter, more colorful feel".
  • "cute appearance". "Cute" could mean at least two different things; because the word has become kind of unstable (and is it cross-culturally the same?), you might consider using a synonym (I really don't know which meaning is intended).
  • "girl-animal combinations"—I'd use an en dash, but it's no big deal. And I'd use "among", not the old-fashioned "amongst". [these ones: personal prefs only].Tony (talk) 15:37, 6 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
All fixed except the cute since I'm not sure which other word would be use. From the context, it is used in the same way the characters would be called kawaii in Japan (generally translated to cute) and the word is pulled from the quote (which uses "ultra-cute" and "cuteness") :) -- AnmaFinotera (talk · contribs) 16:03, 6 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Comments from NocturneNoir (talk · contribs)
Resolved comments from NocturneNoir

I only looked at the Reception section.

  • AnimeFringe's Patrick King Ikumi's character designs for being a perfect first for the feel of the series, Eh? I don't think he did the character designs... Correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't that be AnimeFringe's Patrick King Ikumi praised the character designs for being a perfect fit for the feel of the series,
  • However, Janet Crocker of Anime Fringe felt Berry was an overly shallow heroine that was just mirroring the life Mew Ichigo (from the original Tokyo Mew Mew) in a shorter form. should be However, Janet Crocker of Anime Fringe felt Berry was an overly shallow heroine that just mirrored the life Mew Ichigo (from the original Tokyo Mew Mew) albeit in a shorter form.
  • She also dismissed the Saint Rose Crusaders' costumes and plans as being nothing more than concepts borrowed from Sailor Moon. She also criticized the specific designs used for the character Duke, whose white robe she felt was too similar to those used by the white supremacy group, the Ku Klux Klan. Just a minor point–the sentence structure is pretty similar here. Can this be changed up a bit to add variety?
  • Anime News Network's disagree should have the name of the reviewer (as you refer to him later).
  • He also felt that Tasuku was "an excellent complement to [Berry], with his outgoing charm and clinginess that is surprisingly never annoying" The quote is integrated awkwardly; is it possible to split this, as in He also felt that Tasuku was "an excellent complement to [Berry]" and found "[Tasuku's] outgoing charm and clinginess [...] surprisingly never annoying"

Some quick random tweaks:

  • In "Notes": In the English language release of the first volume of the Tokyo Mew Mew manga series, Tokyopop combined chapters 1-4, unnamed in the original Japanese release, into a single named chapter called "In the Beginning". should be into a single chapter, named "In the Beginning". Same with notes 3 and 4.
  • Also in "Notes": In the initial English language release of the Tokyo Mew Mew manga, Tokyopop used the spelling "kirema anima" to refer to the monsters, however in Tokyo Mew Mew a la Mode this is changed to chimera anima. is a run-on. Try In the initial English language release of the Tokyo Mew Mew manga, Tokyopop used the spelling "kirema anima" to refer to the monsters. However in Tokyo Mew Mew a la Mode, Tokyopop changes the spelling to "chimera anima".
  • For refs, might you consider splitting into a Bibliography and a References section, a la the recently promoted FA, SS Pennsylvanian? That might make the refs easier to read, since you repeat books several times.
  • Check your dabs.

I might add more comments later, but I'll probably rely on others to confirm the cleanliness of the prose in other sections. I'd like the "Merchandise" section to be slightly longer, but I realize this is impossible for a list of this type so don't worry about this too deeply if nothing can be done. In any event, good luck! ɳOCTURNEɳOIR talk // contribs 04:08, 12 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

All corrected. Can't believe I missed that missing "praised" :P -- AnmaFinotera (talk · contribs) 04:35, 12 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
All dabs corrected. G.A.Stalk 11:37, 12 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • In subsequent volumes and in Tokyo Mew Mew a la Mode this is changed to chimera anima needs a comma after "Mode"
  • Ikumi notes that future attack names were decided by which sounded funniest Tense - Shouldn't this be in the past tense, as Ikumi is not continuing to note this?
  • Ikumi created other girl–animal combinations while designing the four other Mew Mews, among them a mouse girl with same green coloring as Lettuce. Replace "among them" with "including"
  • However, the mouse design was one of several designs rejected for the series as the choices were narrowed down. Designs for the series or for the characters?
  • With the main Mew Mew team designs finalized How about "Once the main Mew Mew team's designs"? I don't like the phrase "Mew Mew team's"; can this be shortened to "Mew Mew's"?
  • Ikumi expressed approval of the character designs, and the voice actor selections Ikumi agreed with the designs or commented that they were good choices? "expressed approval" is a bit too vague.
  • giving them the ability to transform into a Mew Mew should be "giving them the ability to transform into Mew Mews" as the plural "The Mew Mews" is the subject of the sentence. Unless the girls transform into a single Mew Mew, of course, which I doubt.
  • Endangered species were chosen because it was felt that they had the strongest desire to preserve their kind. I prefer the active tense over the passive tense here, so try "The design team chose endangered species because they felt that these species would have the strongest desgire to preserve their kind." Also, maybe replace "kind" with species, but that's up to the writer's discretion.
  • They also are called on to fight the aliens that later appear and are the source of the chimera anima invasion. can be better worded as "They are later called on to fight the aliens that were the source of the chimera anima invasion."
  • The creation of the first five Mew Mews occurred accidentally, with Ryou The turn of phrase "with ..." usually sounds awkward, so can this be changed to "The creation of the first five Mew Mews occurred accidentally; Ryou"
  • endangered animal genes directly, to see if they could reverse The comma is unnecessary and should be removed.
  • The Mew Project was started by Dr. Shirogane, Ryou Shirogane's father Seeing as you refer to Ryou in the sentence before, should this introduction be moved in front of the previous sentence? Can you introduce Ryou in the first instance? I got confused by this before I finally realized my mistake a few lines further down.
  • The anime shows that Dr. Shirogane discovered the fossilized remains of an ancient civilization I'd prefer if Dr. Shirogane is the subject of this sentence, i.e. "In the anime, Dr. Shiro discovered the..."
  • The girls have powers related to their animal DNA when transformed, and can boost Mew Ichigo's power by combining their powers. Since these are two unrelated thoughts, they should be separated.
  • a powerful heroic cat girl. should be "a powerful and heroic cat girl" assuming both adjectives are modifying "cat girl".
  • The transformation also causes her to exhibit various feline mannerisms in her human form "while she is in her human form"/"when she is in her human form"?
  • At first her cat ears and tail appears whenever she is excited, but eventually her cat DNA grows strong enough to turn her into a small black cat and her only means to change back is to kiss someone—human or animal needs a comma after "first". "Appears", since it is related to "cat ears and tail", should be "appear". I prefer "only when" over "whenever". And is she constantly a small black cat until kissed? What are the conditions for her transformation into a cat?
  • subsequently revived by the mew aqua in Masaya. I have no clue about this one, so feel free to ignore. Since "Mew Mew" is capitalized, should "Mew" be captialized here, or alternately "Mew Aqua"?
  • against the Saint Rose Crusaders .[21] has an extra space.

More later; this list is quite long... ɳOCTURNEɳOIR talk // contribs 13:32, 12 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

All fixed, I think. Mew aqua is left uncapitalized because its a general substance rather than a proper known, like Mew Mew and Mew Project. :) -- AnmaFinotera (talk · contribs) 14:45, 12 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
I just realized that the refs have remained the same in spite of my query above. Would you like me to take a stab at changing this, or do you feel that the refs should be left alone? ɳOCTURNEɳOIR talk // contribs 19:35, 14 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
I really hate those split sections and never use them in any article I work on unless its the established style from a previous editor. Since it isn't required to follow that style, I'd prefer this article's refs be left as is. -- AnmaFinotera (talk · contribs) 19:40, 14 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support. My issues are resolved and I trust Dabomb enough to know the rest of the list is solid now.Yes, I was too lazy to closely read the rest of the list. I did however, do a quick once-over and it looked very good. ɳOCTURNEɳOIR talk // contribs 23:44, 16 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Support, all issues resolved. Dabomb87 (talk) 23:24, 16 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Resolved issues, Dabomb87 (talk)
Comments from Dabomb87 (talk · contribs) I struggle whenever I read anime, so it will take me a while to get through this. I'll go through a character section at a time. This is well done.
  • General: I see a mixture of spaced en dashes and unspaced em dashes. Use one format throughout.
  • I would link middle school, as it is not referred to as such in every English-speaking country.
  • "An intergalactic police officer named Masha gave her the ability to transform into a cat-girl and asked her to aid him in defeating alien invaders called the Baku." You might clarify that this is part of the plot.
  • "with same green coloring as Lettuce." Missing a "the".
  • "accidentally; The head of the project, Ryou Shirogane, originally " "The" shouldn't be capitalized.
  • I suppose you couldn't describe what a "mew mark" looks like?
  • "she is shown to be a very empathetic person who" The intensifier doesn't really add anything here.
  • "Lettuce Midorikawa [omitted parenthetical notes] is the third member of the Mews Mews formally introduced to the readers." "formally", as opposed to what?
  • "portrayed as a very shy character lacking self-confidence and is the subject of frequent bullying"
  • "Mew Mews regular encouragement." Missing apostrophe.
  • "and tells him she does not want it to be goodbye." A bit too informal. Perhaps "and tells him that she does not want to leave him." or something like that. Dabomb87 (talk) 22:10, 12 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
All fixed, I think. Hopefully I fixed the issue with the little dashes, and clarified the Tokyo Black Cat Girl and mew mark issues. For the "formally" introduced, as opposed to just being shown in the initial scenes where they are all injected with the DNA. For the "to be goodbye" I added quotes to indicate its her own wording in the English version (she doesn't say she doesn't want him to leave nor visa versa). -- AnmaFinotera (talk · contribs) 22:31, 12 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Note: I would actually recommend using spaced en dashes instead of em dashes, and updating Tokyo Mew Mew for consistency: The article currently uses both spaced en dashes (Tōkyō Myū Myū – Tōjō Shin Myū Myū! – Minna Issho ni Gohōshi Suru Nyan and A Little Hero Masha – Friendship at the Risk of His Life) and em dashes (until someone—human or animal—kisses her). While this could be justified, it seems awkward. — G.A.S (talk · contribs) 05:19, 13 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
I have no clue what the differences, so I'll defer o you on this one. I know on the episode titles, I just copy/pasted from the list :P -- AnmaFinotera (talk · contribs) 05:31, 13 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
List has been updated; spaced en dash is used consistently throughout the list. G.A.Stalk 12:45, 13 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Much thanks :) -- AnmaFinotera (talk · contribs) 19:41, 14 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "3 million years "-->three million years (per WP:MOSNUM)
  • "and were forced to live underground by its sandstorms and high temperatures." Are you sure you don't mean "because" instead of "by"?
  • "humans' environmental damage in order to destroy all life"
  • "with some mew aqua to change their "
  • "he's weak" No contractions.
  • "assumed the form of a human boy, Masaya Aoyama, in order to avoid detection."
  • "Deep Blue is one of only a few characters whose name"
  • "they a plot to blow up the school, " Typo, I think.
  • "because they were necessary to the world and important." Redundant; "necesssary to the world" and "important". Dabomb87 (talk) 01:39, 15 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
All fixed. :) -- AnmaFinotera (talk · contribs) 02:28, 15 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "outside of the Mew Project"
  • "In describing him to readers, Ichigo says Masaya as"-->Ichigo describes Masaya as
  • "as being a very polite and calm person, "
  • "he began acting like a "perfect child" in order to be adopted but in reality, felt sick of humans and disgusted by how they treat the planet"-->he began acting like a "perfect child" to be adopted; in reality, however, she felt sick of humans and disgusted by how they treat the planet Dabomb87 (talk) 22:31, 15 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Also now fixed :-) -- AnmaFinotera (talk · contribs) 22:37, 15 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "After his first appearance, the Blue Knight reappears whenever Ichigo is in danger to protect her, and then disappearing after the situation is resolved." "then disappearing"-->disappears
  • "After he completed the technique for injecting genes " Do you mean finished developing it?
  • "He can be mischievous and flirtatious as well, such as offering to kiss Ichigo to change her out of her cat form."-->He can be mischievous and flirtatious as well; for example, he has offered to kiss Ichigo to change her out of her cat form.
  • "high level speech"-->high-level speech
  • "outgoing charm and clinginess...surprisingly never annoying". Per WP:MOS#Ellipses, there should be a non-breaking space before the ellipsis and a regular space afterwards. Dabomb87 (talk) 22:52, 16 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
All fixed. Thanks for taking so much time to review this! I know these character lists can be rather extensive. -- AnmaFinotera (talk · contribs) 23:22, 16 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Sources look good. Dabomb87 (talk) 22:52, 16 May 2009 (UTC) ´[reply]

  • Support, as all the grammar issues are fixed. Good work collectian and G.A.S.Tintor2 (talk) 15:55, 17 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:Featured_list_candidates/List_of_Tokyo_Mew_Mew_characters/archive1&oldid=1140135224"