Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Anthony Kohlmann/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Gog the Mild via FACBot (talk) 22 September 2021 [1].

Anthony Kohlmann[edit]

Nominator(s): Ergo Sum 01:07, 31 August 2021 (UTC)[reply]

An inquisitor, educator, diocesan founder, and litigant in a landmark lawsuit. In other words, an interesting person. I have brought this article to GA status and believe it meets FA criteria. Ergo Sum 01:07, 31 August 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Comments Support from Modussiccandi[edit]

  • Early life
  • "but with persecution of the order": I think the word "with" is somewhat ambiguous here. Did he flee 'because of' the persecution or simply while the persecution was going on. I would also consider brining the "fled to Switzerland" part forward for clarity (e.g. "He joined the Capuchin order but fled to Switzerland ...")
Rephrased. Ergo Sum 02:25, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Perhaps add that Göggingen was/is in Germany. You could also mention that Alsace was German-speaking since I'm not sure whether this is a well known fact.
To keep with the period, I've specified that it was in the Holy Roman Empire. I'm hesitant to put the part about Alsace because technically Alsatian is spoken there which is a near cousin of German and the region, though heavily German, is really a blend of French and German cultures. Ergo Sum 02:28, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "decision regarding his application": 'on' his application would be less wordy.
I actually didn't care for the way the sentence was structured and rephrased it. Ergo Sum 02:29, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Is "superior" a special term in the SJ or are these general superiors as opposed to 'inferiors'? (It doesn't necessarily have to be reflected in the text. I just think that uninitiated readers might be unsure about this.)
As a standalone term, its meaning is pretty much what I think your intuition is. In the context of Catholic religious orders (and I think Anglican ones as well), it is a commonly used term that typically refers to the person in charge of a particular institution or region. I've added a link to an article that does cover the religious meaning of the term (albeit somewhat wantingly). Ergo Sum 02:32, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Missionary to the United States
  • "Kohlmann's anglicized first name is sometimes identified as Anton": could it be that Anton was simply the German version of his French name? (But, of course, I won't complain if the source says that this was his anglicised name.)
You are certainly right. I must have been confused when I wrote that. I went back and checked and it must have been that in the Alsatian dialect, his birth name was Anton rather than the French Antoine. Ergo Sum 02:48, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "customs that the Jesuits in exile the Russian Empire observed": did they still observe them while Kohlmann was in America or had their situation changed (in which case I would write "had observed")?
No, I think the significance of the source mentioning it is that they began observing them in America due to Kohlmann, at least for some time. Ergo Sum 03:05, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Alexandria, Virginia, Baltimore,": if I don't click the link, it looks like these are three instead of two places. Is there a way to clarifying that Virginia is the state Alexandria was in?
Rephrased. Ergo Sum 03:09, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "he had repeatedly requested the authorities in Rome remove": are we missing a 'that' before "the authorities"? (I'm unsure)
I'm not really clear on whether this is a grammatical "rule" or merely a convention that varies based on eng variety, but for sake of clarity, I've added the "that." Ergo Sum 03:09, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Benedict Joseph Fenwick": I would give some brief context as to who this was.
Added a brief introduction. Ergo Sum 03:09, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "sought to be relieved": I'd say that this is an idiom which might not be understandable for some non-native speakers
While I admit it's a bit of a minor rhetorical flourish, after consulting Merriam Webster, I'm inclined to say it's more "formal" than idiomatic. Ergo Sum 03:11, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "delayed by Napoleonic Wars": should be 'the Napoleonic Wars'
Fixed. Ergo Sum 03:15, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "who desired that": maybe 'hoped that'?
Done. Ergo Sum 03:15, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "disabuse": this word seems a bit loaded. I would consider something like 'challenged his beliefs'.
I might just be ignorant of a hidden connotation; could you explain? Should I be using this word with more caution in off-wiki life? Ergo Sum 03:15, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • To me, mentioning the Thomas Paine episode only makes sense if we get more context on who he was. At the moment, the episode seems somewhat gratuitous.
Added a brief introduction. Ergo Sum 03:15, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "successfully arrive" the adverb seems superfluous
Touché. Ergo Sum 03:15, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Therefore, in 1808": I would cute "therefore"
Done. Ergo Sum 03:15, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the four Jesuit scholastics": maybe leave out "the"; at the moment, it sounds as if the four have been introduced specifically
Indeed the have in the previous section. Perhaps this is not sufficiently clera? Ergo Sum 03:18, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "shift their ministerial efforts to it": < 'there'?
"Their" here is supposed to be the pronominal substitution of "the Jesuits' ministerial efforts." Ergo Sum 03:18, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "prosecuted the two accused": I would remove "two"
At least in AmEng, "the accused" typically refers to a single person, so I think "two" here clarifies that both were prosecuted. Ergo Sum 03:18, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • You could consider starting a new level-two header with the "Maryland and Washington, D.C." section. I believe this would make sense from a content perspective (since it constitutes a new part of his career after New York) and it would break up the long "Missionary to the United States" section.
I struggled with how to best organize the article. I've gone ahead with your suggestion. Feel free to comment on whether you think the "Missionary to the United States" section is now too small. Ergo Sum 03:22, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "because": became
Fixed. Ergo Sum 03:22, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Peter Kenney: would be good to have a brief introduction to
Added a brief intro. Ergo Sum 03:25, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "as an visitor": a visitor
Rephrased. Ergo Sum 03:25, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "was named to succeed him": is this a correct usage of the word 'to name'? 'selected' or 'chosen' sounds more natural to me
Rephrased. Ergo Sum 03:27, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "shutter": this might be an American idiom. While we're not to object because of AE/BE differences, I would consider changing it for reasons of accessibility.
I've changed it to closed because I could not think of another succinct way of phrasing it, even though it is a bit repetitious. Ergo Sum 03:27, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "staged a revolt to this discipline": perhaps 'revolted against this discipline'. Still, I would feel that the close repetition of discipline feels somewhat clunky.
I agree; I don't think repeating it is necessary. Ergo Sum 03:27, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Washington Seminary opened as a Jesuit scholasticate, under Kohlmann's leadership": is the comma really necessary?
I think not. Ergo Sum 03:30, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "petitioned Kohlmann to open the school to lay students, and Kohlmann complied": I would avoid the wordiness by writing "Kohlmann complied with a petition to open the school to lay students"
I think that breaks up the timeline somewhat. The point is that the many laymen wanted him to open it to the laity very soon after the founding. I've trimmed the phrasing slightly. Ergo Sum 03:30, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • " editions of it": just "editions" would work, too
Done. Ergo Sum 03:30, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Later life
  • "he is said to have overtaxed himself": can you supply who says this?
On second thought, that may have been reading just a bit too much into the source. I've removed it. Ergo Sum 03:35, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Lead
  • I would add a caption to the infobox image
In previous articles, I've omitted a caption when the only appropriate one would really be "Portrait of X". Ergo Sum 03:35, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "was an Alsatian Catholic priest": what are our guidelines for including such details as region or ethnic groups in the lead? I remember being criticised a couple of times for including qualifiers such Sorbian or Welsh
I'm not familiar with any rule dealing specifically with that subject; if one exists, could you point it out to me? I say Alsatian here because of the unique cultural situation of Alsace and the fact that it has changed political hands so many times. In this context, I think it's much more descriptive to say Alsatian rather than French. Ergo Sum 03:37, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • " New York Literary Institution; established": is this a proper use of the semicolon (i.e. to separate list items)? I have seen this in academic writing, but is it permissible here?
I don't doubt that it's more prevalent in academic writing, but I think it's a sufficiently accepted way of punctuating lists that involve commas that it can be used in everyday writing as well. Ergo Sum 03:39, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Kohlmann later became": there is another "later" in that sentence
Rephrased. Ergo Sum 03:39, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

This is all I have for now. It was interesting learning about the career of someone who may not have been an accomplished president of the University but seemingly was an important figure in the world of contemporary Catholicism at large. Please let me know if you disagree with anything. One additional thing would be to review your use of "therefore" and "however", both of which come up frequently. Modussiccandi (talk) 13:53, 4 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Others have commented on this habit of mine as well. I've gone back and trimmed a few. Thank you for your fine-toothed comments, Modussiccandi. Ergo Sum 03:41, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
@Ergo Sum:Very good; I shall switch to support. I agree with you on the Alasatian question. In this case, a regional identity is much more informative than either of the two possible national ones. Regarding the use of 'disabuse': I don't think there is anything wrong with the word per se; I rather think that it's problematic for Wikipedia's voce to use it in this instance because it could create the impression that the article disapproves of Paine's atheist views. In other words, you'd typically use the verb in a situation where you believe that that of which someone must be disabused is in some way untruthful/harmful etc., which Kohlmann and Fenwick probably did. It's not a big deal anyway. Best, Modussiccandi (talk) 09:43, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
I've heeded your suggestion and rephrased that part of the sentence. Ergo Sum 13:28, 12 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Coordinator note[edit]

While this has attracted a general support the nomination has been open for three weeks and is showing little sign of gaining a consensus to support. Unless there is a significant change in this over the next two or three days, I am afraid that it is liable to be archived. Gog the Mild (talk) 19:33, 19 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

This one doesn't seem to be gathering momentum, and so I am archiving it. Given that it only attracted the one review, the usual two week wait will not apply. Gog the Mild (talk) 19:58, 22 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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