User talk:StarmanDeMarte/sandbox

Hi Kevin - you made a good start on this and have figure out how to work in the Wikipedia world. The basic set up of the article will work just fine, but now you need to add more. Your writing is clear and direct, and you have the big parts of the story. Maybe you need a section on Indian Policy in the early nineteenth century and how McKenney is important to that. So, look at Frances Paul Prucha, a historian who writes about the history of Indian Policy. His books are available in Bizzell and online. You can also link to other Wikipedia articles that cover that. You need to find more material about McKenney himself. Herman Viola wrote a biography of him and it is available through our library online, so get hold of that. It is old, so you probably need to dig around and find out what other newer books have to say about him. But that material will get you started. . . .

Anne Hyde2600:1700:BB51:EAB0:49E5:9C7B:3AB4:7615 (talk) 12:11, 8 April 2021 (UTC)

Lead The first sentence is strong and sets the base of who Thomas is and what he did. Content/organization/tone/media All of the content added is useful information about McKenny and gives readers a better understanding of what he did compared to the existing article. I think hyperlinks could be added to the article such as one for when you mention The Indian Removal Act. Another suggestion could be shortening the headers, for example, Superintendent of Indian Trade and Affairs instead of having to separate the two to make it look shorter. I noticed how under the second header you write, “McKenney got the position after he helped support John C. Calhoun's bid for president in 1824McKenney was…” I think you meant to put a space between the year 1824 and McKenny, but just wanted to make sure. I also noticed the third header is in italics as well which could be edited. You have great sources and do a good job of keeping a neutral tone throughout the article. I think if there is any other information regarding the death of Thomas L. McKenny could be useful for concluding the article. If there are any existing pictures of Thomas L. McKenny that could add a visual to the article for readers to associate with the name. Overall I think the article is well-written!

Aleahayala (talk) 21:49, 8 April 2021 (UTC) Aleah Ayala