Talk:William Brill (RAAF officer)/GA1

GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 15:55, 25 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this article ~~shortly~~ within a few days. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 15:55, 25 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Here are the issues I found:

Perhaps it's semantics, but was he known primarily by Bill or William? If the former, perhaps the article should be named as such. If it's the latter, the Bill in parentheses in a couple places isn't needed.
- Heh, one of my main sources calls him Bill, the other doesn't, so I was sort of having an each-way bet. I don't mind losing "(Bill)" where it is in the lead and infobox and just leaving it in the main body if that's what you're suggesting. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 07:22, 27 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"Promoted Wing Commander in May 1944" Promoted to Wing Commander
- This isn't an uncommon form of words re. promotions but I don't mind changing if it looks odd to you... Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 07:22, 27 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  - Done. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 07:53, 27 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"Brill served two terms as RAAF Director of Personnel Services, in 1956–59 and, promoted to Group Captain, in 1960–63" it feels like there's too many commas and makes the sentence confusing; were 1956-59 and 1960-63 the two terms? modifying the group captain note may help.
- See what I can do... Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 07:22, 27 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  - Done. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 07:53, 27 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"Brill enlisted in 21st Light Horse Regiment," in the 21st
- Oops, thanks! Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 07:22, 27 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  - Done. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 07:53, 27 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"It was, according to Brill, "not my idea of an evening's entertainment"." quotes should be cited
- The next citation covers it but I'll shift things around a bit so it's more direct. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 07:22, 27 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  - Done. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 07:53, 27 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"The unit took delivery of its first four Lincoln Mk 30s in September 1949" linking the Mks would be beneficial if there's an article on that.
- Don't think so but if it's too distracting for you I can afford to lose "Mk 30s"... Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 07:22, 27 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"Promoted to Wing Commander," Re-promoted may be better here.
- Well I might say "substantive", since previously it was "acting". Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 07:22, 27 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  - Done. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 07:53, 27 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"Promoted Group Captain," Promoted to Group
- Okay, per prev. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 07:22, 27 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  - Done. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 07:53, 27 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I'll put the article on hold and will pass it once the issues are fixed. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 03:43, 27 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Many thanks for taking the time to review. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 07:22, 27 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

No problem. Taking out the Bill in parentheses is probably best, though it's not a big deal to me either way. Since all issues are fixed, I'll pass the article as a GA. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 15:37, 27 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]