Talk:Poynton/GA1

GA Review[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Ritchie333 (talk · contribs) 14:55, 30 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I'll give this a go. Greater Manchester and surrounding areas seem to be very well represented on Wikipedia, and hopefully this will be no exception.

Lead[edit]

I wonder if it's worth putting Manchester first in the list of nearby places, and also mention it's just outside the Greater Manchester area. Thanks to two football teams, Manchester is recognisable on an international scale, whereas the other places aren't.
"Poynton was first settled by the Anglo-Saxons." - but the body says the town wasn't in the Domesday Book, which kind of contradicts that, unless the settlement was created, abandoned, and then re-established
Is there a particular reason to have "shared space" in the infobox picture caption? I know the shared space scheme has been in the news a bit, but I'm not sure it's that significant when looking at the town's history at a whole.

Comments on the body to follow. Ritchie333 ^(talk) ^(cont) 14:55, 30 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

History[edit]

Do we know where the name Poynton comes from?
"The Lords Vernon held the estate until the final sale in 1920." - needs a source
"Coal is found outcropping to the east of Towers Road" - suggest "Deposits of coal were found to the east of Towers Road"
"In the later 18th century," - don't need "later"
"rising to a peak production of 221,056 tonnes (243,673 tons) in 1859" - the source says this was only a probable peak, and the prose should clarify this as such
"The canal and new roads and railway lines" - this is the first mention of a canal and new roads in the prose - can you give more information to what these are?
"In 1856 it was estimated that there was a reserve of 15,163,027 tons" - I can't find that figure in the source given
"Cotton Mills of the Manchester conurbation" - is Cotton Mills a company or just a generic term (if the latter, it should be in lower case). Also "around Manchester" would read better than "of the Manchester conurbation"
"With the Lancashire Cotton Famine, 1861" - "in 1861"?
"the vend dropped 112,840 tons" - what is meant by "the vend"?
"dropped 112,840 tons. Men were laid off" - "laid off" is a phrase to watch - how about "dropped by 112,840 tons, leading to redundancies"
"in the year of the general strike." - this looks like text that was supposed to be removed, the prose either side of it makes more sense without it
"The collieries closed on 30 August 1935; 250 men were made redundant" - the source suggests it was around 250 men
"all other shafts have been capped and Park Pit has been levelled." - needs a source (first part of the sentence is also unsourced but doesn't contain information likely to be challenged)
"Thomas Telford was the designer and the canal was completed in 1831" - suggest "The canal was designed by Thomas Telford and completed in 1831"
Aside from a population figure, the latter half of this section is unsourced.
The history skips over post 1945 events. Was there a postwar decline, in conjunction with other major towns in the area, until cars became economical enough to commute to Greater Manchester? This information should be included.

More later. Ritchie333 ^(talk) ^(cont) 15:22, 30 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Government[edit]

Should the terraced housing photo belong in this section?

Geography[edit]

Do we normally link Geohack inline in articles?
The electoral commission source needs more information, such as page numbers. It's not obvious what fact is cited to where, or even if they are actually cited at all.
"The town straddles the Red Rock Fault. Its 200 metres (660 ft) downthrow to the west brings the Permo-Triassic sandstones" - I don't think this information is in the next inline source
"Woodford's weather station recorded a temperature of −17.6 °C" - was this a record temperature? I appreciate 2010 was cold, but so was (IIRC) 1963, so just listing a temperature on its own, unless it is obviously significant for centuries (which a record low is), it might just be worth clarifying this. Many town GAs (eg: Ashford, Kent) have a weather chart with data sourced from the nearest Met Office station; that would be a far better source for climate than a local newspaper.

Demographics[edit]

"All of these figures were higher than the national average." - could do with a source (presumably the ONS has it)

Culture and community[edit]

The Co-Op doesn't appear to have a source
Most of the first paragraph is unsourced
"The band is also a regular prize-winner at contests throughout the country" - this is cited to the band's own website, so they would say that! I think we need to be more specific about the awards and prizes given; surely even local newspapers will cover these if they are of note.
The paragraph about churches is unsourced
There's not much information about Érd. Towns are normally twinned due to some political or cultural connection; often a joint effort in one or both World Wars is a common reason for twinning. This would definitely be worth mentioning

Landmarks[edit]

The section has quite a few unsourced claims in it

Transport[edit]

"was originally proposed in 1765. However it was not commenced until 1826" - suggest "was originally proposed in 1765 but construction did not start until 1826" - also do we know the reasons for the delays?
"a part of the Cheshire Ring. The route was chosen so it could pass close to the Poynton Colleries" - I can't find "Cheshire Ring" or "Poynton Colleries" in the source given
"Poynton lies to the south of the A6." - would be worth clarifying what "A6" means here (ie: a main road)
"was reconstructed at the intersection of" - "intersection" is something I associate with US interstates, how about "junction"?
Are there any modern roads (eg: M6, M60, M56) nearby enough to talk about?
To put things in chronological order, the railway should go before the shared space. Also this paragraph is unsourced.
The shared space paragraph seems to much slanted to a positive POV. I realise the Trucknet Forum is not a reliable source, but I'm pretty sure you can dig out a source that says HGV drivers are not a fan of it and would rather a traditional bypass was built instead
The railway paragraph in "Public transport" is unsourced

Education[edit]

I wouldn't worry about listing the primary schools. Just mention the secondary schools - but these should go in prose, not a list. Also might be worth mentioning the school's performance eg: from OFSTED reports or league tables
It would be worth mentioning further education - are there any colleges, or do people go to Stockport or Manchester instead?

Notable people[edit]

The problem I have with "notable people" sections is that they tend to just be a laundry list for people who have some vague connection to a place. Often, I find you can copyedit them directly into other parts of the article or leave them out. For example, I wouldn't mention Suggs (singer) in Hastings; he was born there, but if I had to assign a "hometown" to him it would be Camden Town. Luis Troyano in particular should simply go.

Summary[edit]

I think the problem with this article is not one specific thing, but lots of things together. There are quite a few unsourced sections, and indeed I think the choice of sourcing could be improved substantially if you used books. Some information is glossed over, and others is a bit patchy compared to other town articles. I'd be happy to give this a B-class assessment as it stands, but I don't think I can in good conscience say it meets the GA criteria at this time. Sorry. Ritchie333 ^(talk) ^(cont) 17:17, 31 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]