This article is within the scope of WikiProject Biography, a collaborative effort to create, develop and organize Wikipedia's articles about people. All interested editors are invited to join the project and contribute to the discussion. For instructions on how to use this banner, please refer to the documentation.BiographyWikipedia:WikiProject BiographyTemplate:WikiProject Biographybiography articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Chicago, which aims to improve all articles or pages related to Chicago or the Chicago metropolitan area.ChicagoWikipedia:WikiProject ChicagoTemplate:WikiProject ChicagoChicago articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Baseball, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of baseball on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join the discussion and see a list of open tasks.BaseballWikipedia:WikiProject BaseballTemplate:WikiProject BaseballBaseball articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Oklahoma, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of the U.S. state of Oklahoma on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join the discussion and see a list of open tasks.OklahomaWikipedia:WikiProject OklahomaTemplate:WikiProject OklahomaOklahoma articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject St. Louis, a project to build and improve articles related to St. Louis and the surrounding metropolitan area. We invite you to join the project and contribute to the discussion.St. LouisWikipedia:WikiProject St. LouisTemplate:WikiProject St. LouisSt. Louis articles
The Cardinals sent him to be a manager in the minor leagues in 1940 however, during the player shortages during World War II, he was brought back in 1944 for one final season.Orsoni (talk) 11:02, 4 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Repetitious wording. e.g. three out of four paragraphs in "Early career" start with "Martin". Done
Unencyclopedic wording: e.g. "Martin didn't appear" - should be "did not". Done
Too many short paragraphs which makes the article choppy. This is especially apparent in "The Gashouse Gang" section.
In "Early career", "Martin made his major league debut with the Cardinals" - Cardinals should be linked and spelled out fully at first mention in the body of the article, as should all terms. Done
"He posted a .308 batting average in 39 games as a utility player, as the Cardinals won the National League pennant." - two "as"s in the same sentence and another "as" in the next - needs rewording to avoid repetitiousness. Done
Link Cincinnati Reds, National League, Athletics Done
"when the ball was bobbled in the outfield" - can "bobbled in" be linked or explained? Done
"Cardinals' victory over Grove" - is this usual to consider the win to be over a player instead of the team?
"he made an impressive catch to squelch" - is "squelch" too informal for an encyclopedia article? Done
These are example. Please go through the article to check for prose issues
A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:
This is a nice, informative article. With some fixes, it should be ready to go. Placed on hold. MathewTownsend (talk) 18:18, 27 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
More comments
In "Early years", three out of four paragraphs start with "Martin". It could be condensed to three paragraphs by clumping similar topics together.
Choppy - especially in "The Gashouse Gang' - way too many paragraphs. Work on building paragraphs so that the prose flows.
"Early career" followed by "World Series star" are a series of paragraphs all about the same size. No variety.
Paragraph sizing: I was trying to separate different items, such as his musical interests from his playing career. It seems that the flow might be more jarring to the reader to combine the two widely varying subjects into one paragraph. I was also trying to separate his minor league seasons from his major league seasons, as he went back and forth at the beginning of his career. I thought the initial paragraph in the World Series Section served as a lead, setting up the scene for the rest of the section. I asn't trying to make the paragraphs the same size. It just seemed to come out that way. I am open to suggestions on how to rearrange these subjects. Prose and punctuation aren't my strong suits.
Wikilinks, the first mention of the National League was already bookended by two other Wikilinks, so I linked the second reference to the National League, as per Wikilink guidelines regarding too many continuous links.
Cardinals victory over Grove, in baseball, the pitcher is often the focal point of the defense, especially if he is the ace of the team's pitching staff, so when an opposing team is able to defeat a team's best pitcher, this is often of particular note in the sporting press. However, if you believe this isn't apparent to the casual, non-sporting reader, I can change it.Orsoni (talk) 10:13, 28 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I combined some paragraphs. How does it look? My only remaining question (and not a deal breaker) is the heading "The Gashouse Gang", since most of the section deals with his "Later career" and not his antics as a member of the Gashouse Gang. Anyway, the article is a definite pass now, very good. MathewTownsend (talk) 14:37, 28 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
From reading up on the topic, it appears that Martin was the last member of the group, loosely known as the Gashouse Gang, remaining on the team. So, when he retired, it effectively marked the end of the gang. I can see how the section heading may be seen as straying from the subject at hand. I am open to other suggestions. Maybe just "Later Career."Orsoni (talk) 14:55, 28 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, "Later career" would be fine. MathewTownsend (talk) 15:00, 28 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I forgot to add that, yes, the paragraph breaks look good. Thanks for all your help!Orsoni (talk) 15:15, 28 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Done
Pass