Talk:Lowes Cato Dickinson

10 August 2010 edits.

I have adjusted and compacted text, and removed superfluity.

Life:

1st para: Compacted first two sentences. Changed third sentence as the subject was his father, but the subordinate clause referred to Bond St. "Training" and "apprenticeship" are very much the same thing... if it refers to different aspects of his life, this needs to be explained. If he didn't have more than one apprenticeship, "first" needs to be removed for less confusing read.

2nd para: sounded as though he was a correspondent... correspondent of what? Altered the colloquial "main players". He couldn't have "toured Italy for three years in 1850" - 1850 is one year - "already" not needed. Compacted second two sentences into one.

3rd para: compacted first two sentences into one, and corrected "early place for adults to continue their education"... not so. It may have included those who had previous education, but it had a wider philosophy and raison d'etre. Added in extra portraits, with reference. Moved Marriage and offspring sentence to leave all portrait info un-split.

4th para: punctuation. "Included" and "including" too close in the same sentence for comfort... changed "including" to "such as". Changed colloquial "make fun of" to "ridicule".

5th para: typos. Family stuff added in... such info is usually in the article lead-in or at the end.

Legacy:

"Prize" is "Award". Clarified as an annual award. Fixed link, that will soon go dead again... Perhaps it shouldn't be there.

Acabashi (talk) 22:12, 10 August 2010 (UTC)

External links modified

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