Talk:Hormuzan/GA1

GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: 3family6 (talk · contribs) 19:54, 22 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose is "clear and concise", without copyvios, or spelling and grammar errors:
No copyvios detected.--3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 00:53, 30 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"He was from one of the seven Parthian clans of the Sasanian Empire and was the brother-in-law of Khosrau II (r. 590-628) and the maternal uncle of Kavadh II (r. 628).[2] However, this is most likely wrong since Kavadh's mother was a Byzantine princess named Maria.[3]" - If that is wrong, then why is it stated as fact? Who claimed what his origins were, and why should we lend more credence to the claim of Byzantine parentage?--3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 00:53, 30 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"The Parsig faction under Piruz Khosrow, Bahman Jadhuyih and Hormuzan. The Pahlav (Parthian) faction under Rostam himself and Mihran Razi. An Armenian contingent under Jalinus and Musel III Mamikonian." - Use commas here, and the last mention should be preceded with "and."--3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 00:53, 30 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"He then repelled the Kurds (then used to describe Iranian nomads)" - should be "a term then used."--3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 00:53, 30 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"However, he soon stopped paying tribute, and raised which included the Kurds he previously had fought.[8]" - I honestly cannot understand what the second half of this sentence is trying to say.--3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 00:53, 30 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"However, Hormuzan soon broke the peace by stop paying tributes, but was once again defeated, while the cities of Khuzestan were slowly one by one seized." - should be "when he stopped paying..."--3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 00:53, 30 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"Sometime later in 641, after a defeat Ram-Hormizd, Hormuzan fled to Shushtar, and was defeated near the city, but nevertheless managed to reach it, while 900 of his men were killed, and 600 were captured and would later be executed.[10]" - Very awkward read, try making this into two sentences.--3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 00:53, 30 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"asked the Arabs for some of their plunder in exchange of how to enter the city." - should be "in exchange for"--3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 00:53, 30 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

In addition to the specific problematic sentences given above, an odd punctuation style is used throughout that article, as well as some awkward word choices. Significant copy-edits are needed to improve this article.--3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 00:53, 30 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:
Follows MoS.--3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 00:53, 30 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. Has an appropriate reference section:
Article has a well-formatted reference section.--3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 00:53, 30 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

B. Citations to reliable sources, where necessary:
Adequate citations to reliable sources are provided.--3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 00:53, 30 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

C. No original research:
All content is verifiable.--3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 00:53, 30 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:
Summary style, major events are covered adequately.--3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 00:53, 30 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

B. Focused:
Concise, no extraneous detail.--3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 00:53, 30 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Fair representation, presents the differing narratives about events.--3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 00:53, 30 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
No edit warring or other disruptive actions in this article's history since its creation.--3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 00:53, 30 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:
Images are released under Creative Commons.--3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 00:53, 30 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
Images are relevant, suitable captions.--3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 00:53, 30 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Overall: Needs substantial work on the prose.--3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 00:53, 30 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Pass or Fail:

Hello 3family6. Thanks for the great review! I will try to fix it as quickly as possible :). --HistoryofIran (talk) 01:34, 30 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Damnit, i had completely forgotten about this :/. I will try to fix the problems today/tomorrow. --HistoryofIran (talk) 11:15, 3 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]

(talk page stalker) - not to butt in, but I can't help feeling that the lead isn't a full summary of the article's content. Not a big issue, but something that is perhaps worth resolving for GAN... —Brigade Piron (talk) 14:35, 10 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]

HistoryofIran - how are things going on this? It's been twenty days.--3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 04:52, 23 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I have not heard anything from the nominator, and the conclusion to this review is long-overdue. I am failing it for now. Once editors resolve the issues that I brought forward, the nominator can re-submit this article for review.--3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 14:47, 26 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]