Talk:Dennis Rodman/GA1

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Dennis Rodman GA Review[edit]

Lead
  • Needs serious expansion. Should be at least three paragraphs per WP:LEAD.
Done —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • (born May 13, 1961 in Trenton, New Jersey) rmv Trenton, New Jersey from brackets per WP:DATE.
Done —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Early life
  • "considered one of the worst areas in those times." Worst areas of where? Dallas, Texas, America?
It was worst part of Dallas. —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "A factor may have been his height as he measured only 5'6" as a freshman in high school and did not know how tall he was when he graduated in 1979." Second part of sentence doesn't make sense. Who didn't know how tall he was? Rodman? His coaches?
Deleted the weird parts. —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "under 6 feet tall to 6'8"" inconsistency of styles, i.e. would suggesting using {{convert}} to these and 5'6" above.
May be a good idea, but IMHO his height is only mentioned 3 or 4 times, and it is consistent as far as I see now —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Someone nice edited it in. —Onomatopoeia (talk) 18:55, 15 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Rodman then worked as an overnight janitor at Dallas Fort Worth International Airport, he grew from under 6 feet tall to 6'8" and decided to give basketball another shot." Run on sentence, needs splitting or a conjunction between the two clauses. "Then" also isn't the best word to use - it doesn't have the right impact.
Rephrased —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "A family friend tipped off the head coach of Cooke County College in Gainesville, Texas." Family friend of who? Rodman or the head coach? Who was the head coach?
The source (nba.com) is not more precise, sorry. —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Then, he transferred to Southeastern Oklahoma State." "Then" is redundant.
Done —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Pistons
  • "Still, the season ended on a positive note, because his girlfriend Annie bore him a daughter named Alexis." Very informal and I'm not sure that it means the season ended on a positive note.
Done —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "After this disappointment," This strictly says the birth was a disappointment. I don't think you mean this.
Heh, done —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Although it was feared that the loss of Mahorn – mediocre in talent, but high on hustle and widely considered a vital cog of the “Bad Boys” teams – would diminish the Pistons’ spirit, but Rodman seamlessly took over his role." First clause starts with although and the last with but - doesn't make sense.
Restructured the phrase —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "After winning his second ring," I presume this is for the NBA finals title? It needs to be explained for the non-NBA fan.
Done —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • 1990-91 season is very short especially to say it's his first season of starting.
Done. Inserted a lot more info on that season. —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Last paragraph could do with breaking into season-by-season as above. Otherwise it's tough to read.
Done —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "At that moment I tamed my whole life around." Is tamed correct? Or "my whole life around"?
Done, it's is NOT a typo, but sounds weird. I added a [sic] —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He got his wish on" Get is a poor verb - see it's huge list of definitions - I would suggest finding an alternative or re-writing, e.g. "His wish was granted on."
Done —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Spurs
  • "after having missed 19 games." Either "after missing 19 games" or "having missed 19 games".
Done —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "with freshly minted" Does this means he just won the award? Also needs to be hyphenated.
Rephrased more clearly, he just won the MVP award —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Bulls
  • "also helped by the fact that his best friend Haley was also traded to the Bulls." also x2
Done —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Ever controversial, Rodman made negative headlines after a head butt of referee Ted Bernhardt during a game in New Jersey on March 16, 1996." This must have had some repercussions? Was he fined? Was he banned? In some sports this would be a lifetime ban. How come this didn't happen?
Clarified: Rodman just had to pay 20k but was not seriously sanctioned, which was controversial —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "However, he made more headlines for his notorious behaviour: on January 15, 1997, Rodman was involved in another notorious incident during a game against the Minnesota Timberwolves." notorious x2
Done —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
It still has notorious twice in the same sentence. Peanut4 (talk) 23:16, 14 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed. —Onomatopoeia (talk) 18:55, 15 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Twilight
  • "but only played in 23 games and was then released" Then is redundant.
Done —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Personal life
  • "laughingstock" Is this really one word?
Seperated —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and finally had his first sex with a prostitute;" needs rewording, either "first sexual experience" or "first had sex"
Done —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]


General
  • Numerals and units should be broken by a non-breaking space, e.g. 27 children.
These still need to be done. Peanut4 (talk) 23:19, 14 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Done. —Onomatopoeia (talk) 18:55, 15 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Seasons and scorelines should use endashes not hyphens, per WP:DASH.
Done —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Numbers less than ten should be spelled out rather than in numerals, per WP:MOSNUM.
I hope I caught all. —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • No need to link dates any more.
Done —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Are there any images? Some sections are tough to get through without anything to break them up.
Inserted some which seem relevant. —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
It's good to see some. I'm not sure how relevant some of them are though. I would keep them for now, and if you plan on expanding further, take further input either at peer review or a possible FAC. Peanut4 (talk) 23:19, 14 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Some copy-editing is needed a little, particularly the use of "then", "there", overuse of "also" and possible overuse of "Rodman" in some sections. I would suggest giving the article a good read through or getting an independent editor to do so.
  • How about a "Style of play" section? I'm not sure if they are used in other basketball players biographies?
Done: Player Profile —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Very nice section. Well balanced, which can be a problem with these. Peanut4 (talk) 23:19, 14 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

There's a lot to do, but I'll put it on hold for now. Peanut4 (talk) 00:22, 8 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the extremely precise and well-written review. I have incorporated many of your constructive proposals, see above. —Onomatopoeia (talk) 23:04, 10 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Went trhough it a 2nd time and inserted many " " and copyedited this and that. Hope it worked. —Onomatopoeia (talk) 18:55, 15 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
GA review (see here for criteria)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

Pass. And a good pass. It meets all the GA criteria, and is overall a good read. I especially like the new player profile section. If you were to try and go for FA status shortly, I would suggest getting some help, partly at peer review, and maybe a copyedit to tighten up and improve the prose. Also, as I said above, the images could do with a going over. All the best with future improvements, though. Well done. Peanut4 (talk) 19:07, 15 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

WOO-HOO!! Thanks for the precise, detailed review and the many constructive proposals. They certainly helped the article, and even a 19-GA guy like me learned quite a lot. For FAC, I would certainly need some additional help, but it is possible to achieve that golden star. Thanks for your work, it is appreciated. —Onomatopoeia (talk) 19:51, 15 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
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