Talk:Battle of Santo Tomas

A fact from Battle of Santo Tomas appeared on Wikipedia's Main Page in the Did you know column on 7 November 2012 (check views). The text of the entry was as follows:

Did you know... that during the Battle of Santo Tomas on May 4, 1899, Philippine general Antonio Luna was wounded by American fire but was saved by gold coins and Colonel Alejandro Avecilla?

A record of the entry may be seen at Wikipedia:Recent additions/2012/November. The nomination discussion and review may be seen at Template:Did you know nominations/Battle of Santo Tomas.

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Referencing and citation: criterion met Coverage and accuracy: criterion met Structure: criterion met Grammar and style: criterion met Supporting materials: criterion met

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Suggestions[edit]

Good work so far on this article. I have assessed it as Start class and have the following suggestions for improvement to take it towards B class and GA:

add an image related to the battle (B class doesn't require this, but it would be an improvement);
introduce the main commanders in more detail (e.g. Luna and the US commanders) in the body of the article;
detail the preparations, opposing forces (e.g. the units involved) and the strategic background. This could be done by adding a Background section;
provide more detail about the battle itself. Currently it largely consists of recounting the incident of Luna being wounded, but what
detail what happened afterwards, by adding an Aftermath section. This could include the casualties suffered and how the battle impacted upon the result of the conflict/war itself. Additionally, if there are any commemorations of the battle, etc., these could be mentioned in the Aftermath;
finally, once all that is added, I think that it would be beneficial to request a copy edit from the WP:GOCE.
upon attaining B-class, you could then list the article for a Wikipedia wide peer review, by listing it at WP:PR. This would help if you were looking to nominate it for Good Article status.

Once this is done, please let me know and I would be happy to take another look. Alternatively, if you would like a second opinion, please list the article for review at WP:MHA. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 07:21, 8 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Second look[edit]

Good work expanding the article. I still think that there is room for further expansion, though. For instance:

the reader still hasn't been introduced to the main Filipino commander. Luna is mentioned in the lead, but his role is not clarified/explained by giving the reader enough detail to understand who he is without having to go looking elsewhere;
the US commanders Wheaton, Hale and Funston should be mentioned in the body of the article;
additionally, there are inconsistencies. For instance, the infobox mentions the Filipino strength as being about "2,500", but the number of 1,600 is mentioned in the body;
can you explain the battle in more detail? For instance a lot is devoted to Luna's wounding, but seemingly only one sentence to the actual battle itself: "The battle featured an easy rout of the Filipino forces by Americans in Santo Tomas." If details exist, this should be expanded to be at least a paragraph if not more. For instance, how large was the US force? Did they have artillery support? How did they attack? Did they try to outflank the position, or did they attack straight up the main axis, etc?
the casualties need to be mentioned in the body (probably in the Aftermath). You have them listed in the infobox, but nowhere else;
finally, and this is not meant as a personal criticism, but the grammar needs work. For instance, in a number of places the prose switches between tense e.g. "Luna gives the command" (present tense) and "the Americans captured San Isidro, Nueva Ecija" (past tense). As you are dealing with events in the past, it is best to use past tense. Additionally, constructions like this also need work: "Deciding not to be captured by the advancing Americans..." This might be better as "Deciding that he would not let himself be captured by the advancing Americans..."

Anyway, if you can cover off on the content issues, I would be happy to help copy edit the article. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 10:46, 10 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I believe that most of these have been dealt with now. I've done a bit of copy editing, but I don't think I've become too involved to re-assess. As such, I've upgraded the article's assessment to B class. Good work. AustralianRupert (talk) 12:42, 17 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]